ARGH. i think im so goddamn childish. from the inside out. i just dont use my brain to think at all. but then again thinking about things makes me depressed. is ignorance really bliss? i have never thought hard about what i want to do with my life. so now im screwing everything up. EVERYTHING! schoolwork, PB, house, shooting, family, friends, my LIFE! life just sucks when you realise that you are getting nowhere and you feel that your presence is simply meaningless.


i totally give up on my schoolwork. i realise that no matter how much i do, there will always be more to come! those mountains of homework we get are really impossible to finish, except for superwomen like guoling maybe. now i dont even bother about homework. i really have no idea what i spend my time on. days just come and pass. month after month, year after year, i just get more confused than ever. how i wish i could have the simple child-likeness in me, like back when i had first entered rg...


PB has kind of dropped in the order of my priorities. maybe it's because nothing significant is coming up yet. or maybe it's because i have lost the passion. where's the fea? it is just so contradicting when we call our batch fea but what really is lacking in our batch is the team spirit, the bond that binds us together. all of us are just drifting further and further away... or were we even close to start with? i dont know about the others but PB really mattered a lot to me a few months ago. maybe it's the exco results. haha. it's just kind of disappointing la. i wish orientation would come quick so it could temporarily take my mind off everything. heh.


house! for those who were at school today, you'll probably know that im now tarbet vice captain'07. i really dont know whether to frown or to smile. i am glad that i got vice captain at least but i just feel so bad cos i wasnt even in house comm. nevermind, i can always learn! and time is all i need. lee qi, let's rock tarbet together! =)


shooting is just plain sad. i seem to have lost all my hopes. although i try to be positive on the outside, inside it's rotting. i mean, shooting makes me happy yet it makes me depressed and worried most of the time. shooting gives me hope yet it makes me lose all my hopes in just a single moment. maybe it was a wrong choice to join shooting afterall. maybe i shouldn't have hoped. i shouldn't have believed in myself. i tried so hard but i just end up losing everything in the end. was it really worth it? maybe it is true that in sports cca, most ppl would just reach a peak and then remain stagnant or drop in their standard when they suddenly see no point in the sport, in the competitions they had worked so hard for. i know i have to be strong for the rg shooting team. maybe taking a break would be good.


i have been pmsing a lot at home lately. especially towards my mum. i just feel so guilty la. and i feel so restricted now that my sister's taiwan friend is staying over. i know her friend is nice.. but it's like i cant even be myself at home.it just pisses me off. sigh. and not to mention, i dont even get to talk to my sis. but i am not interested in what she says and she doesnt care about what i say. so we seldom talk nowadays.


ppl say friends are the most important people during teenage and i totally agree. aaahhhh. why am i a girl? i agree with xian that girls are kind of scary. girls go around telling ppl "i love you, you love me" but who knows if they actually keep voodoo dolls of 'the people they love' and torture those dolls right after expressing their LOVE? xD guys are just so much more straightforward. they can march up to you and say "i hate you" right into your face. life would be much easier if we were all guys i think...


i wonder why did God ever create the world where there is so much more troubles and unhappiness than joy and laughter?


this is such a depressing post but i feel so much better after typing everything out! GEES.
bird * 12:44 PM 0 rocked with me